My Reawakening & What I Should Have Done Better in 2021

 

Hello there! It's been almost three months since I posted anything on this blog! 

I was at my lowest point since 2017. In my opinion, it has nothing to do with the pandemic.  Atlanta's social life is erratic and odd. I made a big step forward. I happened to have a whole vision board laid out for that year!!

My vision board consisted of staying fit, cooking, mindful development, and creating relationships. Making connections and establishing friendships is my most important goal. Last year, I spent 65% of my time creating social connections.  Church-related and Christian-centered young adult groups were prevalent.  Now, this is something that I should have done better in 2021. 

By that, I mean leaving the mold of a community that is no longer part of my identity. When it came to my first step of establishing this form of a relationship. I found myself reverting to the mold. It was not for validation, it was to fulfill my satisfaction and make my life easier. Having that made me feel less lonely. Everyone believes in the same ideology, conditioning, and shares similar values and lifestyles. I stop identifying with Christianity and the lifestyle back in middle school. That was when I went wrong on my behalf the smart goal. 

That resulted in risking my self-identity and spirituality, for the sake of belonging and community. While there the feeling of satisfaction came and the feeling of completeness left and wholeness left. The purpose of being there left, it became the purpose of those around me, not mine. My vision was to make friendships on a higher level. 

My ideology is no longer in association with the church. I understood that when going around those who do not align with me, there was a spiritual or energetic blockage. I quickly had to disconnect from the church. I notified my mentor, “I will no longer be able to participate in the mentorship program.”

I had to go back to my journey before I came here. Retracing my steps to my path of enlightenment. I once again began praying and reciting mantras, sitting in silence, getting back into crystals, attending study groups, journaling, and gathering at sangha. I also will be attending my first new moon circle.  Now I am in more control and mindful of how I feed myself and direct my SMART Goal as the person I am right now. 

Here is a poem I wrote inspired by Japanese Izumi Shikibu

                                                     

                                    She is admiring the moon,

                                       with a blank stare

                                       curiously, pondering

                                       that is when she became aware

Prompt credits: Chris Maddox